I wish you'd understand the strength that's needed
To keep up with your lips
And the compromises I've been making
Since your love was for the taking

Sometimes the problem is me
Sometimes it is you
Sometimes I read between the lines
Sometimes I seal away little parts
Because sometimes pain smarts.

I know you think I'm this unwavering rock
Because it's what I sell well
But when a simple pebble can make cracks in this armor
It's easier to put myself in steel toed boots
They seem to put everyone at ease
But me

Passive

One felt struck; the other fell down

She knew where his arms belonged

But thorny vines and sharpened verbs pierced;

Through what should have been.



One felt fine; the other confused

When the sun and the moon rotate

The same direction every single day

She wondered

Why he couldn’t follow suit




One asked me

Why the other became silent

And consulting, amongst other things

The absence of logic

It laid sprawled out and contrived

But promised in echoes

That you’d survive



One spoke of anger

Floating along field’s of stone

She came apart

And while I asked the brightest minds

To solve the matter at hand

We reached an impasse




You can’t make sense of a scribbling brain

It jots down notes scarred and erratic

Lest one be unable to handle

This tested notion

It slinks down and falls away





I stared into one’s eyes

And apologized for the other

Maybe one day he’ll follow suit

But until then I’ll be here for you

How I Met Your Robin

I'll be honest and to the point here.

Robin needs to be the woman Ted marries. This isn't even up for debate anymore. Now that the whole "Barny/Robin" thing is done with, the writers are dangerously close to having me strike on their collective lawns for this to happen.

First of all let me just disregard their little "well we said this so you wouldn't think it was Robin" shinanigans.

1. The kids can be adopted.

2. Robin could just as easily take a college class if her reporter dreams don't pan out.

I'm not spoiling the methodology behind these reasons, only because I don't want to spoil the show for those who are just getting into it, but pretty much every hint the writers have given are just lame reasons to not think that he winds up with her.

Connection wise; they are perfect. I know that she doesn't want to settle down and that he's a diehard romantic, but opposites do attract. How often have you run into an elderly couple where they are polar opposites and still have stayed together throughout 40-50 years. Furthermore, dating someone the exact same as you can be extremely boring.

I watched the first episode again last night for any clues, and I'd like to also point out that Ted's perfect girl checklist includes everything that Robin has. The problem is that we've gotten so fixed on what was said in the first episode that we've ignored the true signs that we should be looking at.

Ted was able to actually conduct a class on every little ounce of who Robin is as a person. He knows her better than anyone. He understands her.

Also there's the little fact that there is absolutely nobody Ted could meet right now that would satisfy the audience of Rabid fans who want to know who the mother is. The only possible exception would be Bakery girl Rachel from the first season and she went off to Germany. So there is that.

One of the reasons I love this show so much is the constant possibility that on any given episode, we will be treated with a hint, or a morsel of when Ted is going to meet his wife. The writers do deserve a medal for delaying the inevitable this long. But come hell or high water, Robin will be his wife.

and the stars will fall
fall where they may
around us and back to the sky
Would you stand here and not move
i'd like to draw something beautiful
while im learning to draw
what better place to start than perfection
and what better time than now

because i just wont let it be
no
and right here in the dark
you give me a sign
just enough
to make a case for my jaded eyes
to trace my steps back to yours
and captivate your senses
like touching your skin
and smelling your lips
and kissing your hips
I've got my adjectives around backwards
proper nouns be damned
I want you
everything else fades away
a muddy farewell to logic

write down as I close my eyes
that my mind is consumed with
this and that
here and there
and whats the point of sleepin
when your my reoccuring dream
one that i never want to lose

I'm just going to keep quiet
with all hope I can keep myself from waking up
but in case you disappear
my definition of lovely
I just want you to know
I never wanted to stop fighting
the tide that keeps the hinges of your mouth from coming lose
It's impractical to force a permenant smile..
but it sure would be fun to try

and it sure would be fun to try

for those looking to talk with simon during the day, I regret to inform you that my day job is now in full swing. I never thought I'd understand the benefits of a 9-5er, that is I never realized why people look foward to friday night. Having the entire weekend to yourself is absolutely amazing.

That said, I need to write more, both on here and with my poetry.

Reflections in the week

I'm going to try and keep this structured.

Sitting in a cubicle all day helped me realize a lot of things.

I'm a dreamer. I will always be a dreamer. It's never going to change. I tried sometimes to put a splash of realism back in my thought process. it doesn't work. I hate structure, and I hate thoughts of finality, or restrictiveness. I can't stand it. Poetry, music, philosophy, inspiration, motivation, I reign supreme in those area's. And yet I work at a global help desk for the 6th largest company in the world. I am a little irritated that the agency that found the job for me is taking 14 an hour out of my paycheck. but all things considered, where I was two weeks ago. I can now write with a sense of fluidity that was not there before.

So here I go.

my lifestyle is in direct criticism of my thought process. and that needs to change. I live in theory and dreams but I work in concrete code and structure. there is no rhyme or lament to SQL. There is no smile generating in fixing someone's laptop. I work to increase other's productivity.

So then i thought, there's obviously a reason to why this is only a five month contract. There is a lot in my life that happens for a reason. I think I need to take these five months and figure out if this is really what I want. If it isn't then when it ends in late december I will just go back and get my degree in psychology, while working some job. and then transition careers. I'm still young, and honestly if you start thinking time is running out when I'm not even 30 yet, then you've already lost. I still have a lot to offer to the world and up until reality punched me in the face I was completely underachieving.

I also seemingly have ADD with my emotions. They've changed more than...a woman's has? zing..

I want to get out and live. I really do. I am done with the thoughts and transitions that justify why sitting here is a good thing. It's not. I fucking published a book and then sat there. who does that? I get to certain places and then I just stop and I am tired of it. I "almost" have done amazing things. but almost isn't doing it. in fact almost doesn't count at all in the world.

So what's simon going to do!

For starters enjoy the weekend, and think more about this.

I used to write like my thoughts mattered. I would rant and rave and show you all examples why its fruitful and far less dangerous to pursue what you want.

and i still think this way, but just be smart about it. you can dream all you want, you can want all you want, but you need some elbow grease or else it is all for naught. I miss two year old me.. i miss one year old me. I miss three four and five year old me.

more on this later.