and the stars will fall
fall where they may
around us and back to the sky
Would you stand here and not move
i'd like to draw something beautiful
while im learning to draw
what better place to start than perfection
and what better time than now

because i just wont let it be
no
and right here in the dark
you give me a sign
just enough
to make a case for my jaded eyes
to trace my steps back to yours
and captivate your senses
like touching your skin
and smelling your lips
and kissing your hips
I've got my adjectives around backwards
proper nouns be damned
I want you
everything else fades away
a muddy farewell to logic

write down as I close my eyes
that my mind is consumed with
this and that
here and there
and whats the point of sleepin
when your my reoccuring dream
one that i never want to lose

I'm just going to keep quiet
with all hope I can keep myself from waking up
but in case you disappear
my definition of lovely
I just want you to know
I never wanted to stop fighting
the tide that keeps the hinges of your mouth from coming lose
It's impractical to force a permenant smile..
but it sure would be fun to try

and it sure would be fun to try

for those looking to talk with simon during the day, I regret to inform you that my day job is now in full swing. I never thought I'd understand the benefits of a 9-5er, that is I never realized why people look foward to friday night. Having the entire weekend to yourself is absolutely amazing.

That said, I need to write more, both on here and with my poetry.

Reflections in the week

I'm going to try and keep this structured.

Sitting in a cubicle all day helped me realize a lot of things.

I'm a dreamer. I will always be a dreamer. It's never going to change. I tried sometimes to put a splash of realism back in my thought process. it doesn't work. I hate structure, and I hate thoughts of finality, or restrictiveness. I can't stand it. Poetry, music, philosophy, inspiration, motivation, I reign supreme in those area's. And yet I work at a global help desk for the 6th largest company in the world. I am a little irritated that the agency that found the job for me is taking 14 an hour out of my paycheck. but all things considered, where I was two weeks ago. I can now write with a sense of fluidity that was not there before.

So here I go.

my lifestyle is in direct criticism of my thought process. and that needs to change. I live in theory and dreams but I work in concrete code and structure. there is no rhyme or lament to SQL. There is no smile generating in fixing someone's laptop. I work to increase other's productivity.

So then i thought, there's obviously a reason to why this is only a five month contract. There is a lot in my life that happens for a reason. I think I need to take these five months and figure out if this is really what I want. If it isn't then when it ends in late december I will just go back and get my degree in psychology, while working some job. and then transition careers. I'm still young, and honestly if you start thinking time is running out when I'm not even 30 yet, then you've already lost. I still have a lot to offer to the world and up until reality punched me in the face I was completely underachieving.

I also seemingly have ADD with my emotions. They've changed more than...a woman's has? zing..

I want to get out and live. I really do. I am done with the thoughts and transitions that justify why sitting here is a good thing. It's not. I fucking published a book and then sat there. who does that? I get to certain places and then I just stop and I am tired of it. I "almost" have done amazing things. but almost isn't doing it. in fact almost doesn't count at all in the world.

So what's simon going to do!

For starters enjoy the weekend, and think more about this.

I used to write like my thoughts mattered. I would rant and rave and show you all examples why its fruitful and far less dangerous to pursue what you want.

and i still think this way, but just be smart about it. you can dream all you want, you can want all you want, but you need some elbow grease or else it is all for naught. I miss two year old me.. i miss one year old me. I miss three four and five year old me.

more on this later.

It's like 12:12. I wonder why people never created little diddlies for every hour and minute exchange. 11:11..make a wish. make it a good Taking Back Sunday song. But what about 10:10.nothin. it gets the jip.

I have officially decided that I like the weekdays more than the weekend. I know thats silly, but I assure you all I have a good reason.

Yesterday I went to go to Guy's house, and we nerded it up. It was fun. I mean, I think it's been in my life off and on since I was in middle school, and when it wasn't there I missed it. It's also a chance to hang out with some good friends. I really don't think people get together enough, and when they do its to do some trivial stuff or be somewhere just to have some filler people around. You know why 80's teen/early 20's movies are awesome? Because that stuff doesn't happen anymore. Kinda wish it did.

So I go through spurts of really missing you. But I know its not your fault , so I am not like going to say it that much. It echoes my walls and pushes through my thoughts and reverberates through my heart, to the point where just saying it is so redundant unless its backed up by immense action, like saying screw it and driving until I see nowhere but the depths of your shirt while we're embracing. I want more, and i think your voice is going to drive me nuts soon. It's sweet but intelligent. It's witty but insightfu. I want to hear you talking all day, every day. It's like a sweet sin that I keep indulging, knowing with each admission everyone elses voice and everyone elses thoughts become just a little more mundane.


I've picked it back up at the gym. It feels good. No, scratch that, it feels great. It's such a good release and when you have all day to kill it's even better. I almost have all of that simon confidence back that I once had. It's fantastic. Now i just need a couple things. money. and..well what I want.

(completely bareboned and crazy for you)


so I was thinking of taking up some crazy hobby, I don't know what it would be. Obviously my priority right now is to get some contracts going and save but there's gotta be some nuts shit to do when I have free time. I dunno. more on this as it comes to my mind


I have such a vivid memory. I was telling someone about this last night. I still remember the last time I've talked with anyone significant in my life. I still remember the words that were said and the actions that were taken and how it broke down afterwards. And I have to say..its a curse. I still have dreams where I am reliving it, and I completely remember that its the last time im talking to the person and I start ranting and raving to them every little thing I ever wanted to say..but it's never enough time. And I wake up and I'm upset and I think to myself I never want to 'never speak' to anyone significant in my life again...I guess that's an unrealistic dream but ...I just hate it. I don't want to do it anymore. I want friends, I want someone that I can just be with. I want you. Because right now the thought of losing what I have is so upsetting.

I love being barefoot.. It's quite the trip. I think I could probably go the whole summer barefoot if it wasn't for the whole bare feet in public thing can be quite a downer. But hey who knows what laws will occur!

Fustrated.
Fustrated.
Fustrated.

That is how I feel. And I feel like any step towards coming out of fustration results in two stepping backwards. I want something. And I want something else. And it stacks and it stacks and then I am left with this overwhelming pile, a never-ending list. And then there's you. And yeah, I rant for hours about why I feel the way I do. I've complimented every ounce of you and I will continue to do so. I miss you when your not around, and sometimes even when you are around, and I want so badly to fix everything. I want to mend with my hands, and heal more than anyone thinks is possible.

The thing is, I am patient. And I am trying. But sometimes its just so hard. and I'm sorry if I let my fustrations show. but in the end. its worth it and i keep going. and thats where i'll be for now. just waiting for you.

Infinite Cycle

You've never met me,
and I'm sure you will
Somewhere along the dotted line
Like a road without signs
Soon, you could be mine
And we'll get along
And we will fight
And I'll make you laugh
And You'll make me cry
And we'll watch the sun rise on a once lit sky

You've never met me
And I know you will
Somewhere in the distance
where you fell without your wings
That I'd love to re-attach slowly
while kissing your wounds
and healing what once was
and promising what could be
because daring prophecies
are so fun to make true
because your stillframe smile
is a perfect dream made new

You've never met me
and I know just when
when we're at our wits end
and sand all spent
when fustrations leak onto thinly edged paper
and I bleed to make this real
I don't know if you'd understand
just how much you'd make a man..happy
like happy needed improvising
or a new definition termed
or how my voice invades you
like a lullaby made to make you squirm

You're going to meet me
I'm done with guessing
about this bright future
without my angel in my arms
Loss for care with rhymes
just be here in time
we can fight or make love all night
and smash all wrongs till wrong makes right
because i love your stillframe smile
and i love your imaginary kiss
and i love the way i miss you
and i love the way you care
while you gaze at me with perfectionists eyes
designed to soothe my overactive brain
designed to want you like driving me insane
but no matter how much we smile
or how much of you I miss




we haven't met
but just know i'll love you
until we look just like this

Age 24 Episode 1

Things I did

- Try out expired Gelatto with Jalepeno from 2005. IT wasn't bad, but it burns my tongue.

Movie Critics and You

If you can't do, teach. If you are too much of an asshole to teach ,you criticize. I believe that's how it goes. The whole concept of being a critic is shooting down another person's creative license while appealing to the greater masses that are too indecisive to make their own judgments, and then getting a paycheck for it. Don't get me wrong, some movies are terrible, some books are lame, and some music is awful, but who are you to write a review judging a form of creativity that you would never have the talent, nor the balls to do yourself. Maybe the public is entitled to reading another persons opinion, it is after all their right, but I feel like that is now a substitute for their own. How many times have you asked someone what they think and the response is

"Nah I haven't seen it but i heard it sucked so I'm going to wait for the DVD".
"yeah i heard it rocked!"

Yeah.. And? Have third party experiences replaced self knowledge in the USA? Does it really matter if you hear from all eight billion people that a movie is good, what about what you think about it? What of those addicted to porn, yeah sure the sex looks attractive, but how about going out there and trying it yourself. What about couch potatoes watching sports, how about picking up a baseball and giving it a shot. We base so much of our lives basing our own opinion not on fact but on hearsay or visual aid.

I dare you, the reader, to give this a try. The next time you hear an opinion, ignore it. Pretend you didn't hear it. And then, when you have time, go form your own on the same subject. It's going to be easier said than done.

Married, with Entitlement

I have a problem with marriage. Now, I could go down the path of citing why most romance movies and music is not about 15 years in married couples but rather either new love or lost love, but instead I'll pose the question to anyone who is married that reads this. Does that bother you? Because the mere thought of it scares me to death.

The problem, in a nutshell, is people use marriage as either three things, a noose, or a safety cushion, or a false accomplishment

Noose- A ring should not be used to 'wrap someone up" or "seal the deal", it merely shouldn't. Whatever happened to being confident enough to think that someone would want to be with you as long as you don't turn into an asshole (or bitch in the respective mindsets) Is it fair that we boast claim to one person's mind and body, stating that is ours and only ours to interact with and enjoy. I would ask a person to really take a look at themselves if found in a similar situation and ask the fact, are you okay with that? 1 year, sure. 5 years, okay..fine. 10 years. 15? lets go with 30 now that your 55 years old. When is it okay to give yourself a false sense of entitlement to someone else. Love is not defined as an emotion of jealousy, yet affection and appreciation. I look at husbands and wives who don't let their spouse interact much with the opposite sex, and I am deeply saddened by the exploitation of a beautiful concept. Take a look at your husband or wife sometime, and instead of having a self righteous attitude that they can only be with you, how about appreciate them and just feel lucky enough that they ARE with you in the first place. it may save stagnation.

False Sense of Accomplishment- I'm taking this one a little out of order, but it ties in a little bit with safety cushion. Simply put, this is the "well right now I have not a clue with what I'm doing with my time, so instead of going out there and accomplishing something for myself, I'm going to get married and have that compensate". I think relationships should be important in your life, I would go as far as to say that relationships should become before everything else (in moderation, as per my next point), however, by no means should you use marriage as a defining point for your youth. You can never put all your eggs in one basket, and you can never base your accomplishments in life on another person (not even kids, parents). If you are feeling that way? Finish college, make sure your in shape, take up a new hobby, hone a skill, something. there are so many checkpoints that we have to get to that its so easy to skip a bunch in favor of that 'next step', where the truth is, if your not complete with yourself, you can never, in a billion years, be ready to marry someone, because you are not even sure where you stand.

Safety Cushion. - This may sound a bit hypocritical from my last point, but it has the same importance of a 'wrong reason', which is, when someone gets married simply so thats an aspect of their life they no longer have to worry about. Like, oh, I'm married, well that takes care of my relationships, now onto science. You should never feel safe enough in a relationship to stop having that as your main or even 2nd focus. They take work to stay passionate, and they take even more work to stay successful, and laying claim to a person merely so they don't have to deal with it anymore, is simply absurd. There's a reason businessmen's wives cheat on them, its because they got married threw away the key and started working saturdays. How about staying on the weekend and having sex all morning. If you got married just so you wouldn't have to worry about dating, then you got married because you have confidence issues.

If what i've said irritates you, or if you feel bothered by it, then I do ask you, the reader, to prove me wrong. Do it. Show me a marriage that is still as loving and passionate as it was ten years from when it began. Show me a marriage where the husband and wife aren't arguing over toilet paper in the wallmart, looking miserable as ever, as the husband checks out the young chicks and the wife flirts casually with the cashier. Fix the institution, or I am not convinced.

We've grown to a society where everything and anything is a rush. When did it become okay to rush something like marriage. Do people read the fine print when they do this? Or is it like going through a terms of service contract for a cell phone plan and they just sign the fine print. "until death do you part". that means, that until you die, thats it. There will be no 3 billion of the opposite sex knocking at your door. There will be no more first dates or butterflies or first time having sex or first time you make the person smile or discovering just how alike you are with someone, thats fucking it. If you are reading this right now, and you even have a remote notion that somewhere around you could be someone (or may possibly already be known) that understands you or knows you or even your more drawn to, that isn't your spouse. then you probably shouldn't have gotten married.

Now that I've pissed off half of the people reading this, let me just say that I am for marriage. I am just for doing it the right way. When I am complete, When I am absolutely sure that the person I am with, whomever that may be, is so compatible with me and so in sync with me that I could not find a better connection, then, maybe, i will tie the knot. But if I sit there on my list of what I want in someone, and I find myself settling on many of those points? Then I am no better than those who cheat, Because I'm keeping myself, and the other person, out of finding something better. And quite frankly, if your reading this, and that point irritates you, then your probably not in love with your spouse.

To be truly in love is to want what's best for the other person, even if its not you. and I think we all could do a little better from remembering that .