Why my friends rock, parts 1,2,3,4, and 5

There are two cardinal rules to me that you must understand before I continue

- For every 20,000,000 people that like me. Theres usually one that doesnt.
And that person usually HATES me. like would sacrifice me to Keanu Reaves to being his acting coach hate

- That person(s) is usually a girl

- And usually a girl im romantically interested in,or a friends girlfriend. more on that later


Flash to a story. The story. Because I bet that none of you can top this.

Flash again. Summer of '04. I had been dating my girlfriend for a year. We havent had sex yet. It was a little fustrating, im not going to lie. We were both virgins, the only difference is she was terrified of sex in the absolute worst way.

Now, my friends were a little disappointed in this fact. This should be forwarded by saying, putting it lightly, my first girlfriend was a bitch. No, im not being mean, im being endearing. She could have taken the tone off a hotrod with her mouth. If I listed every mean thing she uttered out of her mouth, it would probably encompass another blog.

So, while most would have just suggested to me that I push the sex card, they on the other hand, petitioned for it. literally.

http://thiscause.org/p/menu.php?p=Simon29490DB

Yes, thats right. They started an online petition for me to have sex. They took matters into their own hands. And it was at this moment that I 1) laughed my ass off when I eventually found out 2) promptly showed it to my girlfriend, using it as a catalyst to end things because by october, it was just ick. 3) telling everyone she found it, because who wants to admit they showed their girlfriend an online petition ordering her to have sex. at least at first. 4) reveled in the fact that my name would forever be imprinted in the online social system.

A special thanks to Bogie and Joe for creating the gem of thiscause.org.

next installment soon!