.Your revolution will be televised

Watching the sun rise is so peaceful. it probably would have been better if I had actually gotten up at this time, and not stayed up for it. Anything can happen today. I will probably sleep until noonish, go work out, and then smoke a cigar, but anything plausably could happen.

Kinda funny...

That hundred's of thousands of people protested immigrants being possibly removed from this country, yet the biggest enviromnental campaign is about forty thousand strong. I guess people care more about the immediate than the inevitable.

I used to hope we wouldnt blow ourselves up. Now I hope we wont drown ourselves in what was the polar ice caps. And having such a winner of a president, I have utter confidence no steps will be taken that are pro enviromnent. Sorry world. But I'm pretty sure he believes the world is flat, and that our forests are really giant yardsales for industry.

Why do I write this? I'm 21. I have a ton of life ahead of me. And right now my life is being controlled by arrogant tycoon's who couldnt see past their wallet if a tsunami hit them in the face.

I'm sick and tired of this guy being defended on the basis of him "Being a good Christian". I wear a cross on my neck too. Does that mean I'm the next savior? We've lost close to thirty thousand troops over Iraq to seemingly watch them struggle with Democracy, not that they should grasp the concept, they've been anything but since the origin of their societies. Meanwhile, we're the only country to have backed out of the Kyoto accord, which basically means we're not making a team effort to lengthen the earth's recently given ten year lifespan.

And another thing too, isnt the good christian thing not to judge and be tolerant of all races/classes? I'm sick of their coalition complaining about every little thing that doesnt fit their mold of america. Would you like me to judge them? You outlawed abortion in South Dakota, you have taken numerous alternative forms of religion off the air, your pushing for abortion to be outlawed completely, which should be a woman's choice and not some 30 year old hick with a gun's. Your pushing a ban of stem cell research, which would save millions of lives. You have no real idea what's going on since the majority of you live in the middle of the country, have no exposure to diversity or real democracy, and im pretty sure theres restaurants near you that serve fried twinkies. Yet you run the country. Good for you.
(no offense to anyone living near twinky eateries, or anyone that could be a hick. I kid because I love)

I have an idea. Instead of pushing to Ban anything that isnt exactly Christian friendly, you get off your asses and help the massive amounts of homeless and poverty stricken families around America. I'm not sure whats worse. Iraq in turmoil, or America in complete ignorance. It's no surprise that George Washington never wanted America to get involved in foreign affair's. And its the very problems we suffer from today that can be listed as reasons why the man was right. We had a city literally destroyed ten months ago, yet we are still focused on a country that isnt ours. We have religous fanatic's pushing their own jaded belief's and not doing a single thing that their religon preaches in the first place.

Maybe if we werent losing jobs every day to outsourced positions, losing money every day from a hopeless war, losing land every day from deforestation and losing medical advances from a group of people that question evolution I wouldnt be losing faith in our country.

Peace.

Heh

Theres so much good in your life if you just open your eyes and see it. I'm pretty damn serious. Look around you. look within you. theres always something good to be had.

I'd like to put something on here non serious, like tell you all that I would probably like to watch a subtitled porn, or about how amazing bacon is on pizza, but lately ive been going through periods, where I'll go a few weeks being down or just plain oblivious, and then every once in a while I just see the good around me, and it makes me post things like this. In the last four months a lot of situations in my life have gone sour, but for every one of those, another has popped up that is more promising than before.

such is the cycle I guess.

If you cant do;teach. if you cant teach? Criticize. If you cant spell? your probably like me.

anyway. Falling asleep to jazz was the best idea ever. I recommend it to everyone

Obviously

People can tell you that life really isnt that serious. And you know what? It really isnt. Ultimately any decision you make will not affect 99.9 percent of the population, and it wont change the universe. Your name wont go down in history, or even be remembered past a couple hundred years, pardon the random visiters your tombstone brings. You probably wont win a nobel prize, or invent the cure to cancer.

So what can you do?

Be happy
Have fun
Be loved
Be able to look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day.

That's it. Be pleased with yourself and be pleased with your actions. Have no regrets. Dont dwell on what cant be changed, and dont hesitate on what can. Enjoy the company of everyone that comes into your life, because you never know when they will leave. Don't place yourself in a situation where you will not be happy, and if one changes unpleasantly, than leave that one too. Face your opponents, and face yourself. Only critique what you know, not what you dont understand. Live to love. and love to live.

Pretty obvious advice, right?
So then why doesnt anyone follow it?

Sugar Plum (meant to be lyrics)

Do you remember
dancing outside in the fog
and you wonder why I love

I'll let you know how I feel
when the sun sets
and the moon comes out to shine
and im afraid that I wont be there
when you need me the most
when I need to say goodnight

The rain pelts your shining skin
you ran and ran underneath
while I did everything to win
maybe youll begin to understand
where I went wrong and when
you lit your last torch
dancing in the fog

Sitting underneath the
fair sugar plum
starin politely at your eyes
not fearing when the music died
and I cant begin to understand
when you stopped to walk
and began to ran

I wish I knew better
and when innocence was lost
but I'll try to know when all is wrong
and ill try to sit among all the leaves
while your dancing in the fog
i'll give you a window in my life
and ill be sure to say goodnight

oh stay until the hour tells us this is wrong
and stay under the crying sugar plum
because I dont know where we went right
and i wont know when to follow your sight

a waking muse
told me you were in the fog
sit underneath
and whisper back the rain
because i'd stay with you forever
starin in your godsent eyes

climb the fence back inside
and I'll ignore whats telling me
this is wrong
just sit beside me
and i'll admit to the things
making those tears
spilling from inside
lay underneath the crying sugar plum
and fall asleep
while I make it alright

i'll ignore whats telling me
i'll ignore whats telling me
this is wrong


and ill be sure to say goodnight

Probably the most honest post of mine you will ever read

I have no respect for my parents. None. I may credit them, and I love them, but I dont respect them.

My mom has survived a lot of events in her life. Abuse, depression, etc etc. She is very strong. But she never lets go of anything, and she lets the past consume her. By day she helps mentally challenged children in their day to day lives, but by night she drinks and yells at my father for pretty much anything. I hear this, and years ago it used to really bother me, but now im just immune to it emotionally.

My father, on the other hand , is a completely different story. He has survived a lot too, and acomplished a lot in his life. But, much like my mom where he has survived, he now takes it upon himself to live his daily life by way of spite. So much of what he does is either helping someone, or pleasing himself in a way that shows someone else no one is the boss of him. He cheated on his first wife a ton of times, and im pretty sure most of you know the story now. But, he never defends himself when my mom goes on her rants. He never stands up or says anything back. He just sits there drinking his beer, minding his own buisness. How can I respect someone that doesnt respect himself?

Which brings us to me. I have gone so long without someone to push me or motivate me, or even tell me what to do. The last time my dad pushed me was probably by accident, and even when my mom is not very directive in what she wants. So much of life I have had to learn or experience on my own, some things I could have used a bit of guidance.

For so long I have searched inwardly for an answer to many questions. I have spent days trying to figure out some things. But the truth of the matter is, I'm never going to figure it out until I get out of here. Out of this house, out of this town, and maybe out of this state. Who knows. I need an education, but I need my own place. and I need a job to afford both. I need to search outwardly, not just in. and I need to start respecting myself, because the concept of respect is completely absent in my house.

So first things first. I need to respect me. And now sleep.

mmmm

I could really go for some hot wings right now.
medium. with ranch. maybe a tex mex pizza! just something spicy..

oh, and a dr. pepper.

Mirage

Given a diamond light
that shines on every scene
igniting what was dark
in a wonderful collage
trying to figure out
if your smile was my mirage

Truly in abyss
Falsely written as pure bliss
My mouth opens to the bittersweet air
I would love to think that you care
in my wonderful collage
sitting stoically
trying to figure out
if your smile was my mirage.

Always searching for dotted lines
Cross the T's and drop the I's
Leave the formality for informal goodbyes
Dress an angel up in dark
Scar an X where you left your mark
Because when everyone else goes to sleep
My breath stings with wounds so deep
I'm left dreaming in my wonderful collage
still trying to figure out
if your smile was my mirage

Memories filled with much disdain
heartfelt cells in a heartless brain
your presence begs for a jury to decide
to set free the innocent
or let the guilty confide
but for a hundred day's without your stare
and a thousand other's left to bare
lonely nights dont keep you warm
a million sound bytes like a stinging swarm
while im cowering in my wonderful collage
still trying to figure out
if your smile was my mirage

Draped about like strands of intent
no time to wonder where time went
your hair still haunts me
so straight and so long
the color only shaded
by our now mute song
and inbetween the T's
and underneath the I's
you left so fashionable
without room for goodbye's
But I'm always holding you
in my wonderful collage
not caring to figure out
that your smile was my mirage

Sand and Clay

That time you called
I ran and came
We talked it out
and it was okay

and we made our island
out of sand and clay
just sturdy enough
to survive when the dusty winds

howled in the night
whispering doubt in our hearts
but we talked it out
and everything was okay
and we had our island
out of sand and clay

One day I woke
and you trembled with fright
we talked it out
and it was alright

so why do you run
when the candle's still lit
and the wax still smolder's
on a fragile crusted whick

we might have some troubles
to stand in our way
but no worries
we'll have our island
made of sand and clay

you can hold your calls
and make them wait
bury that little black book
or let it burn at the stake
because nothing will ever
stand in our way
as long as we have our island
made of sand and clay

In case you go
and I forget your soft hair's scent
or in case your gone
and I cant remember a strand straight or bent
or that divine smile
that made everything okay
we'll have our island
made of sand and clay

Please make me happy
and do what you must
follow your heart
not greed or lust
but in case the moon
never again shines

or the setting sun
will never be mine
I want you to know
that everythings okay
because I'll have our island
made of sand and clay

It's a beautiful day

It was so gorgeous outside today. Took a moment to just bask in the sun. Went for a run and then to the gym, which made me happy. which more importantly means

ONE WEEK WITHOUT ANXIETY!!!!!!!

Obvious fact vs. Obvious retort.

Come now, its fun! Here is a list of the last ten or so statements made or made aware to me that are just ..well worthy of this.

Fact : Critic's dissed John Stewart
Retort : Because John Stewart dissed the president.

Fact: A study was performed in order to figure out why americans cannot save.
Retort: That requires a study?

Fact: Only 2000 ish casualties have been suffered from the war.
Retort : Actually the number is closer to twenty five thousand. Casualties include wounded,dumbass.

Fact: Bush sucks.
Retort: Bush sucks.

Fact: Online dater's have an increased risk of being lied to than those who date from more traditional ways
Retort: What Xhotass965X isnt telling the truth about her Size 3 waist? Well whoda thunk it!

Fact: The best way to not get pregnant is abstinence
Retort: Ya think? and that way is totally not fun (author's note , trust me, i know this)

Fact: By 2010 50 percent of america's children will be obese
Retort:














Fact: A good person is a good christian (thank you bumper sticker)
Retort: maybe you should re-define what makes someone a good christian.

Fact: Water is the least favorite beverage in the US
Retort: I'm sure you'll tell me next that air is the least favorite scent too, right?

Cheeseburger Vs. Grilled Cheese

Do you ever sit in front of the stove, wondering for an hour on what your going to consume for lunch? Then you narrow it down to two options. The hardest decision!

Grilled cheese. childhood favorite. tasty. just enough. put some ketchup on it and your golden.

but then theres the cheeseburger, always a top pick.


AH GOD DECISIONS!!

Brokeback gone for Broke

Having watching the oscar's last night, the only thing I can say is "thank god they made the right choices".

listen, I dont have a problem with Brokeback Mountain. I dont mind the storyline or dialogue or much more than graphic sex scene. But the fact of the matter is people expected it to win based on the context's of the love story being about two gay men, and that can only get you so far. Was it a great movie? Yes, but should it have swept the oscar's? No.

I thought Joaquin Phoenix should have won for walk the line. simply speaking he utterly transformed himself into Johnny Cash for the part. But being as the movie got nods for Best actress and another 18 wins in a variety of award ceremonies, I cant complain.

And John Stewart = Amazing. He somehow brought the daily show humor into the Oscar's and made it convert seamlessly. Not to mention he got a few good shot's off on Bush.and who doesnt love that.

Now that it's off my chest.

the second reason I mentioned below is quite simple

I need to start picking the choices I make in my life based on what I want, and not what I feel other people want. I woke up the other day and realized that the last four years or so, I've made decisions strictly based on what I feel other people want, expect, or would like me to do, and never based on what I want.

and what do I want?
I have not a clue. I know I want to be successful and I know the field of work I want to be in, but thats it. Getting there is not going to work if im constantly going off on tangents based on desires that arent even my own.

I'm sure everyone at some point falls into the same trap I fell in, but I dont know how many keep falling, and falling, and falling into it. Sometimes not even directly said but what I think someone overtly wants of me. And why should I care. Theres a phrase "some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime", and right no very few make the lifetime category, so why should I care what 99 percent of the population thinks of me?

anyone have their two cents on this? catch ya soon :)

While the cat's away...

So i'm gone for a week, and when I return, theres a nice comment on my /simonsays journal under the first poem. I guess I welcomed criticism when I made my material public and allowed anon. posting, but still, ouch? One line I find interesting is

"Your not T.S. Eliot and by no means nothing more then a mere knock off"

Funny, I never said I was him. In fact besides one teacher vaguely referring my writing to his in style, I wouldnt compare myself to him.

"That is the fakest thing I have heard in my entire span of life"

And that sentence is horribly written. Oh and you didnt hear it, you read it.

That doesn't sound like love that sounds like the dream of love

and? arent poems meant to be powerful imagery meant to represent emotions that could easily be conveyed more conventionally.

Well, I guess a ton of compliments and one crticism isnt bad. I just am not one to swallow back and let it stay I guess.

oh, and im back. sorry for the week or four off.

I'm still alive!!!!

Well, its friday, and its been slow, so I figured i'd post and remind all of you that I am very much alive, maybe not kicking, but at least alive.

what my days have been like.

- school
- home
- that's it.

I havent felt like doing much at all. Theres a couple reasons for this. One, only recently has my anxiety been under check, unless at night, and still , I hate to say it but when your feeling shitty 8 hours a day, you kind of want to relax the other 16.

and the other? well youll just have to stay tuned :)