Reflections in the week

I'm going to try and keep this structured.

Sitting in a cubicle all day helped me realize a lot of things.

I'm a dreamer. I will always be a dreamer. It's never going to change. I tried sometimes to put a splash of realism back in my thought process. it doesn't work. I hate structure, and I hate thoughts of finality, or restrictiveness. I can't stand it. Poetry, music, philosophy, inspiration, motivation, I reign supreme in those area's. And yet I work at a global help desk for the 6th largest company in the world. I am a little irritated that the agency that found the job for me is taking 14 an hour out of my paycheck. but all things considered, where I was two weeks ago. I can now write with a sense of fluidity that was not there before.

So here I go.

my lifestyle is in direct criticism of my thought process. and that needs to change. I live in theory and dreams but I work in concrete code and structure. there is no rhyme or lament to SQL. There is no smile generating in fixing someone's laptop. I work to increase other's productivity.

So then i thought, there's obviously a reason to why this is only a five month contract. There is a lot in my life that happens for a reason. I think I need to take these five months and figure out if this is really what I want. If it isn't then when it ends in late december I will just go back and get my degree in psychology, while working some job. and then transition careers. I'm still young, and honestly if you start thinking time is running out when I'm not even 30 yet, then you've already lost. I still have a lot to offer to the world and up until reality punched me in the face I was completely underachieving.

I also seemingly have ADD with my emotions. They've changed more than...a woman's has? zing..

I want to get out and live. I really do. I am done with the thoughts and transitions that justify why sitting here is a good thing. It's not. I fucking published a book and then sat there. who does that? I get to certain places and then I just stop and I am tired of it. I "almost" have done amazing things. but almost isn't doing it. in fact almost doesn't count at all in the world.

So what's simon going to do!

For starters enjoy the weekend, and think more about this.