"yep"

I'm a romantic.

I think people dont really know what that means, beyond the stereotypical "he likes sending flower's and poetry" routine. It's a lot more than that. I act aloof a lot of the time, because thats how I would like life to be. I hate the thought that our existance is really revolved around skyscrapers and paychecks and such man-made worries. I hate that people worry about so much in their life that I view trivial, and I hate even more that most of the things are requirements to survive in our society.

And I would hate to one day wake up to my cubicle job, and realize that everything ive tried to maintain, every notion and every dream, to just disappear. It's funny because what I look for in a relationship isnt what everyone else does. I dont think it's so much that I want something that doesnt exist, it just has to be brought out of a situation. And unfortunately I mix such an innocent want of romance with human emotions, like jealousy, possessiveness; and worry. If you watch "The Notebook", you get a story of true love surviving outside pressures and desires. What you dont see is true love surviving inward desires; cheating, seeing more out of life, and the belief that, and while I dont really understand it, the need to see the world is somehow mixed with being single. Now, as I see it, two people experiencing the same events in life would have twice the amount of emotions and interpretations to share about the same situation, hence giving you more for less, so to speak. I know that not many people think the way I do, even the person im interested in, but its just the way I view things. I believe life is that much better with another person, and a thousand moments with someone, growing with them, understanding them, would give you a lot more life experience than the same thousand moments with different people. Variety is the spice of life, but I really dont think hooking up with Clausto outside the Eifel Tower is that much more invigorating than sharing it with a girlfriend or significant other.

This isnt to say that I want to be with the same person forever and ever until the pearly gates, I do plan on dating different people in my lifetime. But at the same time im never going to cut someone off or end something prematurely because I feel like being premiscous or whatever; its left for fate to decide the ending. Love is such a rarity in this day and age. Too many factors limit it, choke it off, lessen it's significance, and the last thing to cut it off should be the person experiencing it. I do think however that once you get as much as you can out of one person, it is time to move on.

I dont know, I'm sick of a lot of things. For a while I didnt mind it if people spared me the truth in turn of me being hurt. now I just want it, the truth. Full out, harsh or not. I want upfront honesty, in the word's of probably every old actor in a film "I'm getting too old for this Shit". I want reality, but I want to shape things my way. I want to be respected for who I am and what I believe in, and not be treated like someone in a musuem exhibit. I may be a rarity but I'm not going to become extinct anytime soon.

That's kinda it. I dont know what im going to find out tomorrow but one things for sure, im not going to hide from it. Hiding is for pussies, and I really dont want to be one of those now do I.