Hanging on a ciggerette...

Okay, my recipe for new years will be

- Bottle of vodka
- 4 ish cigars
- People around me
- A Mr. Williams house


That sounds pretty good.

Its no coincidence that the World of Warcraft login screen is a open void sucking you in. Trust me on this. At around 12:30 I went on thinking I was only going to be on in an hour, I logged off at 4:30. UGH.

So after this tattoo is finished, I'm considering an earring.. I dunno. Maybe in May or something. I still want to get one on my left arm, and one on my right shoulder blade. I dont know what of yet, except its probably going to be a little more docile than a skull with two swords spread across a shield ;) I also really miss my cross necklace. Gotta find that again.

I'd also like to find the side of me that used to dream and set super high goals. Yeah, they were hard, but they also kept me going in the right direction. That's not to say that A hard goal isnt getting 2 years worth of school done in one. But in more than just that aspect. It was really cool being carefree for the last few months, eating what I want, drinking what I want, doing what I want. Having absolutely no obligations than to see friends and have a blast. But I want to take myself seriously, and I want to be taken seriously. And neither of that is going to happen if I were to continue on this path. That's why I'm so glad I'm going back to school.

But I miss just dreaming, and I miss really believing those dreams were attainable. I always felt thats what separated me from the rest of the world. I would love to read about philosophy and how I could empower myself, now I just want to go to school ,get a job, get drunk on the weekends and party.... what. Have I become normal? I dont even know.

One thing that I'm REALLY glad I stopped doing in the last six months is smoking pot.
Mainly because now I see how utterly dull it made me, and makes other people. I'll never tell someone not to do it, ill just say that the entertaining factor behind that person drops about 500 percent while their on it.


And I think I just figured out why ive been feeling the way I have been in the last two months (thank you to the person who JUST made me realize it) That part of me, the part that used to be in so into doing crazy romantic shit, and dreaming, I shut down because it felt betrayed. That blind trust that I used to have in myself and in women, that all was shot to shit. Maybe if I were to trust someone again, then that part of me would open again. Or even if I started to trust my own emotions. that would be nice. hmmmmmm