Married, with Entitlement

I have a problem with marriage. Now, I could go down the path of citing why most romance movies and music is not about 15 years in married couples but rather either new love or lost love, but instead I'll pose the question to anyone who is married that reads this. Does that bother you? Because the mere thought of it scares me to death.

The problem, in a nutshell, is people use marriage as either three things, a noose, or a safety cushion, or a false accomplishment

Noose- A ring should not be used to 'wrap someone up" or "seal the deal", it merely shouldn't. Whatever happened to being confident enough to think that someone would want to be with you as long as you don't turn into an asshole (or bitch in the respective mindsets) Is it fair that we boast claim to one person's mind and body, stating that is ours and only ours to interact with and enjoy. I would ask a person to really take a look at themselves if found in a similar situation and ask the fact, are you okay with that? 1 year, sure. 5 years, okay..fine. 10 years. 15? lets go with 30 now that your 55 years old. When is it okay to give yourself a false sense of entitlement to someone else. Love is not defined as an emotion of jealousy, yet affection and appreciation. I look at husbands and wives who don't let their spouse interact much with the opposite sex, and I am deeply saddened by the exploitation of a beautiful concept. Take a look at your husband or wife sometime, and instead of having a self righteous attitude that they can only be with you, how about appreciate them and just feel lucky enough that they ARE with you in the first place. it may save stagnation.

False Sense of Accomplishment- I'm taking this one a little out of order, but it ties in a little bit with safety cushion. Simply put, this is the "well right now I have not a clue with what I'm doing with my time, so instead of going out there and accomplishing something for myself, I'm going to get married and have that compensate". I think relationships should be important in your life, I would go as far as to say that relationships should become before everything else (in moderation, as per my next point), however, by no means should you use marriage as a defining point for your youth. You can never put all your eggs in one basket, and you can never base your accomplishments in life on another person (not even kids, parents). If you are feeling that way? Finish college, make sure your in shape, take up a new hobby, hone a skill, something. there are so many checkpoints that we have to get to that its so easy to skip a bunch in favor of that 'next step', where the truth is, if your not complete with yourself, you can never, in a billion years, be ready to marry someone, because you are not even sure where you stand.

Safety Cushion. - This may sound a bit hypocritical from my last point, but it has the same importance of a 'wrong reason', which is, when someone gets married simply so thats an aspect of their life they no longer have to worry about. Like, oh, I'm married, well that takes care of my relationships, now onto science. You should never feel safe enough in a relationship to stop having that as your main or even 2nd focus. They take work to stay passionate, and they take even more work to stay successful, and laying claim to a person merely so they don't have to deal with it anymore, is simply absurd. There's a reason businessmen's wives cheat on them, its because they got married threw away the key and started working saturdays. How about staying on the weekend and having sex all morning. If you got married just so you wouldn't have to worry about dating, then you got married because you have confidence issues.

If what i've said irritates you, or if you feel bothered by it, then I do ask you, the reader, to prove me wrong. Do it. Show me a marriage that is still as loving and passionate as it was ten years from when it began. Show me a marriage where the husband and wife aren't arguing over toilet paper in the wallmart, looking miserable as ever, as the husband checks out the young chicks and the wife flirts casually with the cashier. Fix the institution, or I am not convinced.

We've grown to a society where everything and anything is a rush. When did it become okay to rush something like marriage. Do people read the fine print when they do this? Or is it like going through a terms of service contract for a cell phone plan and they just sign the fine print. "until death do you part". that means, that until you die, thats it. There will be no 3 billion of the opposite sex knocking at your door. There will be no more first dates or butterflies or first time having sex or first time you make the person smile or discovering just how alike you are with someone, thats fucking it. If you are reading this right now, and you even have a remote notion that somewhere around you could be someone (or may possibly already be known) that understands you or knows you or even your more drawn to, that isn't your spouse. then you probably shouldn't have gotten married.

Now that I've pissed off half of the people reading this, let me just say that I am for marriage. I am just for doing it the right way. When I am complete, When I am absolutely sure that the person I am with, whomever that may be, is so compatible with me and so in sync with me that I could not find a better connection, then, maybe, i will tie the knot. But if I sit there on my list of what I want in someone, and I find myself settling on many of those points? Then I am no better than those who cheat, Because I'm keeping myself, and the other person, out of finding something better. And quite frankly, if your reading this, and that point irritates you, then your probably not in love with your spouse.

To be truly in love is to want what's best for the other person, even if its not you. and I think we all could do a little better from remembering that .