You may not know it

From this Blog, but theres something I miss dearly. I've ignored it for a while; titled and encoded it somewhere safe, yet in the end it finally won.

I miss being in love. I really miss it. It's the one thing I cant buy or bargain or connive my way into having, but I miss it in the worst way. I've masked it for a while and really believed that I wasnt interested in relationships. But I am, and being lonely sucks.

I miss wanting something storybook, or at least very romantic. I miss sticking to my guns even if it means being hurt by having a lack of realism. I want another first kiss to be as great as the first kisses ive had before. I dont want to think clearly anymore when it comes to the heart. I want some part of my life to retain that innocent glint it used to, and while ive grown up in a lot of area's, I just want one part of me to stay seventeen, when I would watch romantic movies and get caught up in a trance, wishing just one part of the chemistry on screen would one day be experienced by me. I want an unlikely meeting and doing surprise gestures and buying more flowers than I can count. I want someone to kiss me like they not only want to, but they need to, like everytime is an untapped well of desire ready to explode at any moment.

I miss all of this, and im well overdo to admit it. There was a void I kept trying to fill with everything, be it food or lies or video games or any old excuse to stay focused for hours without thinking.

it's more than that though. I mean as most of you know my previous relationship had.. a lot of downpoints to it. There was a lot to work on and there were times I disliked what was going on. But in the end, its what comes with the territory. I want to work on things and make sacrifices and all that jazz.