Aaah, water, natures fruit juice..

So I just spent 20 minutes drawing Curaga/Blizzaga/Firaga/Thundaga from a meaningless soldier in FF8. The justification for a guy with 500 ish hp having those spells is absurd. I personally think its a mistake considering the guy himself only casts fira cura etc etc.

I need to write more poetry. Its wierd as I'm slowly getting older I am beginning to care less and less of responses I get what I write. It is for my benefit after all. When I was younger, and even not so younger, I used to believe that a good poem could change how a person feels, or impact them in some way. But the reality of it is, that mindset is both selfish and unrealistic. Girls, for example, wont fall over you because it takes you 8 stanzas to basically say "I think your beautiful, hey lets date". If their into you, their into you and they will like the poem. If they arent, the benefits of writing are purely theraputic dealing with the fact that said girl isnt into you.

The poem I wrote below is mainly a lament. I see a situation, that I really want to be in, but I dont think its going to happen. But of course, me being me, when I think about said situation, I cant help but pour something out onto "paper", because it helps me deal with how I feel and accept the unlikelyhood behind those feelings.

Growing up, all I wanted to do was be great to someone. Be that rock solid person someone could rely on and pour their problems to and id at least be able to help them through onto better days. Or just be a great boyfriend. Romantic, understanding, blah blah the whole nine yards. I dont think I put much thought into it, beyond the notion that its a fucking great feeling when you help someone or make them happy. Now.. im not even sure what I want to do. My first girlfriend, though she treated me like shit a good half of the relationship, called me her hero one night because she felt like she could always rely on me to make things right and be there for her. And even though things turned out so badly, I still remember how great I felt that night when I heard those words. I dont believe I'll be in another relationship for a while, but if I could ask for one thing for my next situation, it would be to be with someone that puts as much energy as I put into them, into me. I dont think its much to ask for. I briefly dated someone over the summer who put maybe half as much energy into me as I did them, and it didnt take me long to realize they werent for me,just much longer to accept it.

And furthermore, while im on this tangent, id like to post a rhetoric question. Is it hypocritical for someone who considers themself a romantic to look at porn? It's something ive been thinking about lately. I'd say its a form of objectifying women, but then again 99 percent of them volunteered for the job. And as long as you know its an illusion and that women should never be handled that way (unless they want to of course), is it really a defamation of my own values?