morning calls

Let me enlighten you all to what I wake up to in the morning

we have this hellhound.. dont be fooled by its..."cute" appearance. the thing barks and jumps around me like im a piece of meat and by barking in the most annoying way pieces of steak will fall like its christmas. (p.s. if any women are reading, the thing about me being a piece of meat is not a myth, carry on) Anyway, its been in the house since June, and it just hasnt shut the fuck up since.







then we have this one. dont be fooled. their are six inch retractable claws underneath that pocket. ours looks like that, kinda. except its a lot bigger and a lot pudgier. and it's named after a 60's doll, thank you to its previous owner. I never saw her, but I'm betting she looked something like this



thanks grandma. next time you can name a cat cheech and make him get busted for 2 kilo's eh? anyway , that one only barks at me when company is over. But in the morning when I come in at 2 AM she sure is the first one to alarm the house that I exist. it was cute the first ..day . three years later, im a little annoyed by it.

oh and the best part about these dogs? whenever I eat, they surround me like a pack of vultures, either expecting me to die and devour my soul , or usually just demand I give them a little bite of food every nano second. what wouldnt they eat.. well, after exhausting research, ive concluded that they probably wouldnt eat a stormtrooper. the acid just doesnt go through the armor.



Run space man. run while you still can.



Anyway. I cant help but miss my cat, who is now an outdoorsmen, cut down in the prime of his old age by the presence of dogs. If this were translated to a person cruelty, it would be like me walking into an old age home, picking up an old man with no teeth that hands me a blank piece of paper claiming its his lottery ticket, driving about 50 miles to where there is no one around, and dumping his ass off. thanks parents. this cat has absolutely no hunting skills. It cant hunt mice anymore, hell it cant even hunt its own tail anymore. the thing gets tired so easily. in the morning I also wake up to his diotribe outside, justifiably. he just doesnt deserve to be outside.. you know who does?



the mere fact that someone wanted to do this makes me question why god gave us a strong sense of utter stupidity. Maybe he would be better off keeping us as fish. Because as soon as we hit land, it all went down hill. This is why certain people should be equipped with mirrors on them at all times, so they can see how much of an asshat they look like.

done ranting. this is what happens when I wake up before noon and dont eat my cereal first.